Sharing Lungs - Deftones Online Community

The Story of My Early Years

In my first year I developed the habit of headbanging in my crib, especially at night. We think I developed the habit from my mom bouncing me on a pillow on her knees, and I just naturally carried on all on my own. They couldn't get me to stop the habit and took me to see a doctor to see if anything was wrong with me. The doctors didn't think anything was troubling me, and told my mother that these things happen, and that there was nothing wrong with me. When I became old enough to walk, I made a game of jumping, and diving head first into objects. I liked to climb up to the higher spots I could find and jump into coffee tables and end tables. In my toddler years I had split my head open numerous times requiring stitches, and can still count about 8-9 scars on my head, mostly on or around my eyebrows (not to mention the times I leaped but didn't split my head open.) I believe I made up the 'jumping' game as a result of my nocturnal headbanging, but that can't be proved. When I started school, I noticed that one scar in particular popped out, and I likened it to a lightning bolt. I showed all my teachers and friends my 'lightning bolt' by telling them about it, then scrunching my brow to make it pop out. My teachers thought it was humorous at times.

When I was 3-4 years old I learned to be left handed. I was coloring at the kitchen table one day when my left handed uncle, Joe, suggested I color with my left hand and I thought it was the cool thing to do. After that, my left hand was my go to hand and it easily became my good hand. I moved in with my dad a year or two later. We were playing basketball with some big kids, I was 5 or 6, and my dad must've saw me using my left hand because he said 'shoot the ball with your right hand!' and I said 'like this?' and he said, 'No, your right hand! Don't you know what your right hand is?' Then he called me over and we had a talk. He said, 'Show me your right hand.' I gave him my left. He said, 'No, your right hand. It's the hand you write with, what hand do you write with?' I gave him my left. He then said, 'No, it's the hand you punch with.' He put his hands up and said, 'Give me your best punch.' I punched with my left. He then went on to tell me that I was using the wrong hand, and that my right was better. When I asked him why the right hand was better, he said 'Because it's a right hand world!' He then told me a list of 'right handed' things including scissors. So, I agreed to switch. I spent the next few weeks trying to relearn my dominant hand, and it was frustrating at times.

One day I was moping around near the door of the house and my dad said, 'What's wrong, you look bummed out? Why don't you go outside and play.' I said, 'I'm bored, there's nothing to do.' He said, 'Why don't you go play in the woods. You love that.' I said, 'I did that all day yesterday.' He said, 'Come on. I know you like it. Why don't you go to your favorite spot, walk the trails or something. I bet you'll have fun.' I brightened up at the thought, and said 'you're right!,' and walking off, I said hesitantly, 'But do you really think I'll have fun?' He said, 'Of course, you always do!' So, I headed out to the woods and started looking for something to entertain myself with, when I found an arrowhead (likely a spearhead) and couldn't wait to show my dad. So, I grabbed it and raced for home. I ran and was running downhill, when I noticed the arrowhead in my left hand (I was still in the task of learning to use my right, mind you), and I decided to feign a hard fall and stab myself. I decided, and tripped myself just at the bottom driving the arrowhead into my right wrist. I was bleeding profusely, and crying, fearing for my life at the loss of blood, and made my way inside to my dad. He said, 'What did you do, son?!' I told him I cut myself! He said, 'You gotta be careful, you could have killed yourself!' I said, 'What do you mean?' He said, 'You see that vein there? It goes straight to your heart. You cut that and you could bleed to death!' I replied, 'What do you mean, 'I could die?' He looked at me and said, 'You would be no more.' He then bandaged me up and told me it had a nice shape to it, and that I shouldn't mess with it or else ruin it. Still to this day, it's a well defined shape, almost a perfect V, or the v-like shape of a 5 pointed star without the arms. Anyways, after that I calmed down, and wanted to go look for the arrowhead I dropped, but my dad said he would look for me, but I had to stay inside for the rest of the day. I asked him, but he said he couldn't find it, and I couldn't find it on my own the next day.

The next few days I was amazed at how lively the woods were. I went to my dad and asked him, 'What happened?' He said, 'What do you mean?' and I told him that things were so alive and vibrant. He then told me, 'Well, nothing happened, you're just having fun!' and I left it at that.

That's my story of learning to be right handed and falling with an arrowhead, but I still imagine my toddler years, when I liked to take leaps, still played a part, and every night I was still banging my head for a few minutes before sleep, which may have played a part in all this. Even without absolute proof, I believe this to be completely probable, as I had always made a game of taking headfirst leaps.

Orpheus and Eurydice (from wikipedia)
(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e3/Ary_Scheffer_-_Orpheus_Mourning_the_Death_of_Eurydice%2C_1814.jpg)

Orpheus was the son of Apollo. I really like myths, and relate to so many, but myths are archetypes to me. And I'm sure they work in ways I don't understand completely. XD

Europa and The Bull of Zeus

(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/7b/35/06/7b3506df27d9182840a80604d1eb0297.jpg)

(https://annodominigroup.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/the-rape-of-europa.jpg)

Achelous and Hercules
(http://www.greeklegendsandmyths.com/uploads/5/3/1/3/53133595/3664679_orig.jpg)

Narcissus and Echo

(http://www.mt.nl/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/f5405f4b3b0481e701eda65f6377aa0d-1446805796.jpg)

Cupid and Psyche
(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/8c/cd/84/8ccd84fd34251601b94d04247fc3e074.jpg)

Psyche and Pandora's Box

(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/bd/c6/87/bdc68703c98e390823bf72b431200dff.jpg)

Hephaestus
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-QgIdfaQzx9w/VSvsob0jsbI/AAAAAAAADhU/LHyQR5bXQog/w506-h750/Efesto.jpg)

Venus and Mars' Affair
(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/8b/17/68/8b176874f03cf848083adb586f87ffa9.jpg)

Hermaphroditus and Salmacis

(https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-qy5Wpnn2EFg/Vu4OtlBNYGI/AAAAAAAAKB8/l1BcL_hJ1ckQctUMubzeBDW-rTryWn9JA/s1600/Salmacis_and_Hermaphroditus.jpg)

Athena (Minerva)

(http://hekint.org/images/article-images/Fig.1_birth-of-Minerva_Rene-Antoine-Houasse-web.jpg)

Achilles
(http://www.historyrevealed.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/623px_wide/Achilles.jpg)

Cephalus and Procris
(https://uploads8.wikiart.org/images/jean-honore-fragonard/cephalus-and-procris-1755.jpg)

Apollo and Daphne
(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/cc/fa/98/ccfa98d0bd1719cbd85bb370e7ebb840.jpg)

Apollo and Hyacinth
(https://api.art.rmngp.fr/v1/images/17/191934/l?t=IYdezRruhp3_skmTGz2glQ)

Icarus and Daedalus
(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/3c/ab/51/3cab511c45ebdddc2ee5cf675906d5e4.jpg)

Phaeton
(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_sZ7yX2QnpqE/RhUUskzrm7I/AAAAAAAAAE0/j8iMexxDNeg/w1200-h630-p-k-nu/Phaethon+Rubens+1636.jpg)

Artemis and Orion

Adonis

Dryope

edit

i've been diagnosed as schizo-affective, and they found out what i have isn't really a chemical imbalance but more along the lines of twisted wiring in the brain, amazing i can think at all. i think i got so many scars from not being able to make decisions, so yes i'm proud of who i am. people don't understand why i like my childhood so much, but it's my weaknesses becoming strengths for me. :)

Quote from: hephty on Feb 20, 2017, 07:31 PM
Orpheus and Eurydice
(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e3/Ary_Scheffer_-_Orpheus_Mourning_the_Death_of_Eurydice%2C_1814.jpg)

Orphics

Scholars of the story of Orpheus and Eurydice have likened the return of Eurydice to the land of the living as taking up the 'enlightened life' and the path thereof of seeking good and upright character, learning how to better love. Therefore, the tragic loss of Eurydice a second time by Orpheus, when he turned around to look at her and lost her, could be seen as turning back to your old ways and forever losing yourself to a depraved and miserable lifestyle, lacking signs of true love.

In light of this, the treading on the serpent could be seen as an event in life that causes you to change your ways, and therefor seek to rescue yourself, and Eurydice's return to the upper world as carrying out that new life to fruition and sound relationships.


note: too often couples forget to love each other how they once did, and elevate each other :/

Quote from: hephty on Apr 27, 2017, 07:58 PM

Quote from: hephty on Feb 20, 2017, 07:31 PM
Orpheus and Eurydice
(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e3/Ary_Scheffer_-_Orpheus_Mourning_the_Death_of_Eurydice%2C_1814.jpg)

Orphics

Scholars of the story of Orpheus and Eurydice have likened the return of Eurydice to the land of the living as taking up the 'enlightened life' and the path thereof of seeking good and upright character, learning how to better love. Therefore, the tragic loss of Eurydice a second time by Orpheus, when he turned around to look at her and lost her, could be seen as turning back to your old ways and forever losing yourself to a depraved and miserable lifestyle, lacking signs of true love.

In light of this, the treading on the serpent could be seen as an event in life that causes you to change your ways, and therefor seek to rescue yourself, and Eurydice's return to the upper world as carrying out that new life to fruition and sound relationships.


note: too often couples forget to love each other how they once did, and elevate each other :/

Orpheus and Eurydice is my favorite myth, which I personally relate to drought, but the above is an interpretation. In light of drought and returning to your old ways, it can be symbolized as Eurydice as a flower, and Orpheus as a warm breeze, with drought as the continued returning of heat (old ways; dislike, lack of signs of true love) which caused her to wilt in the first place. :)

Quote from: hephty on Feb 23, 2017, 06:33 PM
Hephaestus
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-QgIdfaQzx9w/VSvsob0jsbI/AAAAAAAADhU/LHyQR5bXQog/w506-h750/Efesto.jpg)

The Lame One As The Smith

Hephaestus was known as 'The Lame One' as well as 'The Smith,' who created all the thrones of the gods, as well as gifted them with impressive magical items. I believe there is a strong connection here between 'lameness' and 'smithing' in that those who have been through hardships or suffered misfortunes are often the ones who most vehemently seek to help others in similar situations. I propose Hephaestus, having been lame and a reject, sought to better the lives of those around him with inventions that helped them become 'capable' of preforming their tasks, as gods, to do miraculous things.

Quote from: hephty on Apr 28, 2017, 03:10 PM

Quote from: hephty on Feb 23, 2017, 06:33 PM
Hephaestus
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-QgIdfaQzx9w/VSvsob0jsbI/AAAAAAAADhU/LHyQR5bXQog/w506-h750/Efesto.jpg)

The Lame One As The Smith

Hephaestus was known as 'The Lame One' as well as 'The Smith,' who created all the thrones of the gods, as well as gifted them with impressive magical items. I believe there is a strong connection here between 'lameness' and 'smithing' in that those who have been through hardships or suffered misfortunes are often the ones who most vehemently seek to help others in similar situations. I propose Hephaestus, having been lame and a reject, sought to better the lives of those around him with inventions that helped them become 'capable' of preforming their tasks, as gods, to do miraculous things.

(http://vpx.pl/i/2013/04/22/cool-story-bro-pl-ffffff-14.jpg)

Lame = Lame

thanks! :)
I added a signature that sums up my faith. ;)

Another fail!

"Two wrongs don't make a right."

Quote from: hephty on Feb 23, 2017, 12:09 PM
Psyche and Pandora's Box

(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/bd/c6/87/bdc68703c98e390823bf72b431200dff.jpg)

Blessings or curses come from the mind. It depends on how you look at it. ;)

Quote from: Red Pill on Apr 29, 2017, 05:18 PM
Another fail!

"Two wrongs don't make a right."

I don't know what your goal is, but this is an appreciation of art.

Cupid, The Honey Thief
(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/b4/94/24/b4942471dec5d905050c6d684afa8154.jpg)
This is considered a comedy, thought to be associated with 'finding entertainment in other people's pain.' For me, it's a legit archetype for being innocent and foolish, which is often what I find funny in my nieces in general, not when they get hurt, who don't have a clear understanding of what they're doing, and the passionate irrationality is often humorous. :)

Quote from: hephty on Apr 29, 2017, 05:45 PM

Quote from: Red Pill on Apr 29, 2017, 05:18 PM
Another fail!

"Two wrongs don't make a right."

I don't know what your goal is, but this is an appreciation of art.

! No longer available (http://youtube.com/watch?v=zE7PKRjrid4#)

ah, yes, free thinkers. i too am one, and am very aware of my surroundings. but i also respect culture, as well as search for practical knowledge wherever it may be. ;)

You do realize that whole 'battery' thing is a Romantic sentiment of which I'm well versed? The Enlightenment was an age of reason but had the belief that society is a machine, and we as individuals are but parts to further the means of the whole. The issue was that the industrial revolution was using people as a means to further it's own agenda, especially as a business, by telling people they are but 'cogs in a machine.' The entire Romantic movement has underlying tones of fighting this ideal, as well as stressing freedom in 'individuality.'

edit

edit

edit

Quote from: hephty on Apr 29, 2017, 10:23 PM
ah, yes, free thinkers. i too am one, and am very aware of my surroundings. but i also respect culture, as well as search for practical knowledge wherever it may be. ;)

But I also respect culture!

Quote from: hephty on Apr 29, 2017, 05:37 PM

Quote from: hephty on Feb 23, 2017, 12:09 PM
Psyche and Pandora's Box

(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/bd/c6/87/bdc68703c98e390823bf72b431200dff.jpg)

Blessings or curses come from the mind. It depends on how you look at it. ;)

"It depends on how you look at it. ;)"

http://youtu.be/IFrwz2Bw1iQ (http://youtu.be/IFrwz2Bw1iQ)
Professor P & DJ Akilles - Michelangelo

I edited that last bit out because I don't like to discuss my work. ;)

Sometimes I get misunderstood because I use a lot of juxtaposition and satire, as well as multiple meanings, but I mostly write because I can't not write. :D

Keep going! I see it. But sometimes i dont agree!

Quote from: hephty on Apr 30, 2017, 04:41 AM
I edited that last bit out because I don't like to discuss my work. ;)

Yeah edited...You're shooting at Zeus...but let's not discuss your work  8)

Quote from: The Prodigy on Apr 30, 2017, 05:00 PM

Quote from: hephty on Apr 30, 2017, 04:41 AM
I edited that last bit out because I don't like to discuss my work. ;)

Yeah edited...You're shooting at Zeus...but let's not discuss your work  8)

Yeah, 'Rise of the Gods' is nature based, but also highly satirical. :)

Quote from: hephty on Apr 30, 2017, 06:44 PM

Quote from: The Prodigy on Apr 30, 2017, 05:00 PM

Quote from: hephty on Apr 30, 2017, 04:41 AM
I edited that last bit out because I don't like to discuss my work. ;)

Yeah edited...You're shooting at Zeus...but let's not discuss your work  8)

Yeah, 'Rise of the Gods' is nature based, but also highly satirical. :)

Yeah... Bring more!  8)

Quote from: Red Pill on Apr 30, 2017, 04:45 PM
Keep going! I see it. But sometimes i dont agree!

Thanks, truly. :)
I learned early on that art is art, and should be observed with less judging than other mediums, or you'll never see past your own nose.

This is interesting, and your above statement is honorable:
"T. S. Eliot remarked that Milton's poetry was the hardest to reflect upon without one's own political and theological beliefs intruding."

Art is art. Thought provoking, but mostly an observational medium. :)

Why is Milton's 'Paradise Lost' my favorite book, even as a free thinker? Milton's biggest achievement is bending and breaking the rules. :p

Yeah, breaking the rules of man ! Only God can judge us!

Quote from: Red Pill on May 01, 2017, 12:37 AM
Yeah, breaking the rules of man ! Only God can judge us!

right on!
a single statement can change an entire conversation, even the course of someone's life

Seeing people have fun reminds me what life is about. <3

Quote from: hephty on May 01, 2017, 01:54 AM

Quote from: Red Pill on May 01, 2017, 12:37 AM
Yeah, breaking the rules of man ! Only God can judge us!

right on!
a single statement can change an entire conversation, even the course of someone's life

Right on!   :)

Quote from: The Prodigy on May 01, 2017, 02:34 AM

Quote from: hephty on May 01, 2017, 01:54 AM

Quote from: Red Pill on May 01, 2017, 12:37 AM
Yeah, breaking the rules of man ! Only God can judge us!

right on!
a single statement can change an entire conversation, even the course of someone's life

Right on!   :)

lul :D

Quote from: hephty on Apr 30, 2017, 09:03 PM
Why is Milton's 'Paradise Lost' my favorite book, even as a free thinker? Milton's biggest achievement is bending and breaking the rules. :p

Quote from: hephty on May 01, 2017, 01:54 AM

Quote from: Red Pill on May 01, 2017, 12:37 AM
Yeah, breaking the rules of man ! Only God can judge us!

right on!
a single statement can change an entire conversation, even the course of someone's life

More art and knowledge for you!
http://youtu.be/OF6NBc5_LxA (http://youtu.be/OF6NBc5_LxA)
ILLiterate by JahnIgga Da Baptist Masta Buildas

stay out of my face bro

What happened here ?

I guess Red Pill didn't stay out of his face.

It's me Hephty...
I'm so thankful for where I am in life right now.

It's great having things I can relate to. I often feel ostracized, but there's definitely a place for me. And it's opened a new world for me. One in which I'm glad to be. Thanks. :)

I'm a wizard of torches and arrows, hammers, lightning bolts, and much more, and relate to a lot, but more importantly...
I'll be forever young... my philosophy is 'whatever you do, do it big!' XD

Lights on, I'm an angel of life cycles: life, death, and rebirth; the rise, the fall, and the rise again.

Sure there's the rise and fall, but the rise again... I'll never forget how beautiful everything was when I learned what 'to be' meant. :)

This is one of the most important things to know as a lyricist, poet, artist... and you must make that decision:
The mind is a Pandora's Box. One version says all evils, and, in another version, all blessings, come from it. <3

(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/bd/c6/87/bdc68703c98e390823bf72b431200dff.jpg)

Rinehart... he's whatever people think he is.
(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/66/71/70/667170a5ace9d2d8fc8ce9ccc70d01f6--claude-rains-classic-monsters.jpg)

Glasses

Losing your mind
is a lot like losing your glasses,
it's harder to find them
without them.

Being is the source of all wisdom and understanding.

The mind, ego, can be wily. But, this is how I was taught:
"As long as the master is around, the lion won't turn on you. You can even put your foot on his head."
(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-d6A9rcoQC4M/UvI4vSrJflI/AAAAAAAAW_U/cPI6a-2W1Q4/s1600/frederick+w.+glasier-mademoiselle+scheel+with+lions-c1905.jpg)
I want this kind of confidence with my mind! XD

Wait for it!

thanks!! :)

Chapter 43: Daniel and the Lions' Den

Old Testament Stories



There was a new king of Babylon. His name was Darius. King Darius chose men to help him. Daniel was their leader. The other men did not like Daniel. They did not want him to be their leader.


Daniel 5:30–31; 6:1–5


The men knew Daniel prayed to God. They went to the king. They asked him to made a new law. The king made the new law. It said people could not pray to God. People who did not obey the law would be put in a lions' den. The lions would eat them.


Daniel 6:6–7


Daniel prayed to God three times a day. The wicked men saw Daniel praying. They told the king.


Daniel 6:10–13


The king knew Daniel must be put in the lions' den. The king tried to think of a way to save him. But the law could not be changed. The king told his servants to put Daniel in the lions' den. King Darius told Daniel God would save him.


Daniel 6:14–16

king fasting

The king fasted all night. He could not sleep.


Daniel 6:18

Daniel in lion's den

In the morning the king went to the lions' den. He called to Daniel. Daniel answered. The lions had not hurt him. He said God had shut the lions' mouths.


Daniel 6:19–22

king outside lion's den

The king was very happy. Daniel was safe because God had helped him.


Daniel 6:23–27

You guys don't know of my early adulthood, but it was something else, and this is not the place. Before Cupid was the cross. It's very personal, but still a huge part in how i connect with the world. To make a long story short, I developed schizophrenia (now diagnosed as schizoaffective) and thought I was dying of AIDS, and noticed the scar on my wrist. But things got weird after that. But I remembered what happened in my early years, and rediscovered my connection with 'being.' <3

I eventually tested negative.

I completely snapped and lost touch with reality after discovering the scar, and rediscovering 'being.' A couple months later I ended up dancing for days on end, and nobody knew what was wrong with me. I was taken to the hospital and diagnosed as mentally ill. Being told I was crazy was heartbreaking, but I really was talking nonsense, in riddles, I now know to be 'loose associations.' After that, I pretty much kept everything to myself for the greater part of a decade before becoming a poet and getting out there.

I became a poet, and got my story out there, after meeting some friends who encouraged me to get out there. They believed in me, and, to this day, I am forever grateful they encouraged me every step of the way.

I love the Romantic movement, especially in poetry, that's when 'reason' was no longer thought to be what made one like 'God' but 'life.'

We all have 'life' therefor we are all the same, all equals.

How faulty one's 'reasoning' can be, how it's developed, how it's influenced and swayed, it's not that trust-able a standard. <3

It's easy to fall asleep looking for more, forgetting the importance of 'life' or 'consciousness' as the root of all true knowledge.

In fact, 'science' is founded on the 'observer' and, so, 'seeing things correctly', there is no science without a 'conscious interpreter' <3

(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/bd/c6/87/bdc68703c98e390823bf72b431200dff.jpg)

edit: no feng shui

Quetzal
http://spanisherizo.weebly.com/legend-of-quetzal.html (http://spanisherizo.weebly.com/legend-of-quetzal.html)

the quetzal
(http://images.lagazzettadf.com/2015/12/quetzal.jpg)

Finding clarity... on my own.

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DHpUw3tXUAASJzH.jpg)

edit: social media has its own culture... and i shouldn't take things personal, people have an image to uphold, lol

edit: lol, but i'm constantly amazed by art and such

Just wanted to show you how pretty my scar from the arrowhead is irl. 27+ years later... still looks pretty sharp. :)

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DHxShr5XsAAsFJ-.jpg)

I've never shared a photo of it before... it's never been as important as the events of the day to me. :)

since i've been here, i've been rather insecure about my art... not to mention i have no moderating abilities to sort things out all that well, and it's a clusterfuck in my mind. That's why I would like to go away for a time and put together something more presentable before posting it all.

On a side note, this song taught me all i know about stirring the pot  8)

! No longer available (http://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=230&v=qZws22lhe24#)

When your favorite band tells you something is too good to miss, you might want to listen. :)

I told my mom today, 'I'm free,' and she asked 'what does that mean?' and I said, simply, 'I'm my own person.'

And then I told her, 'I fought my entire adult life to be 'my own person.'  ;)

I believe I was mistreated for so long because of severe mental illness... it's the only explanation.

being forced into treatment for so long, with what i call 'thought replacement therapy' is why i fight.

After thousands and thousands of hours of people implanting beliefs in your head, you become a cornered raccoon easily to defend yourself.

My individual studies and work is all that kept me safe.

Prometheus

(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-QgT0EySbzzw/VUJOhHz1OvI/AAAAAAAAE4k/JMnTZEy-KNE/s1600/th.jpg)

Heavy fits the chaos of it all.

! No longer available (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRzqXiFcp5Q#)

If the government wasn't so manipulative, there would be no problem.

I've seen first hand where things are going.

They don't know how strong they made me.  8)

! No longer available (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHPKOy3dtqQ#)

Like i said, they don't know how strong they made me... but excessive force, and you get Titans  ;)

Quote from: bloody on Aug 23, 2017, 07:04 PM
Prometheus

(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-QgT0EySbzzw/VUJOhHz1OvI/AAAAAAAAE4k/JMnTZEy-KNE/s1600/th.jpg)

This Titan, Prometheus, caused one of two things, volcanic eruption or avalanche. ;)

Quote from: bloody on Aug 23, 2017, 07:04 PM
Prometheus

(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-QgT0EySbzzw/VUJOhHz1OvI/AAAAAAAAE4k/JMnTZEy-KNE/s1600/th.jpg)

Everyone. Everywhere. Has seen where things are going.

They just don't want to take a second to look back and realize the mistakes we made before can always repeat themselves.

Ignorance. With no desire to learn.

Ignorance is so bliss, no one cares that it would end us all.

Prometheus was my main archetype for years... then came Cupid, the 'troublemaker.'
God, what a change from nails to Love's arrows did for me.

Tell me which image makes you feel better.
(https://i.pinimg.com/originals/83/e6/c2/83e6c236db775f076afea99c9baa1f08.jpg)

(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-QgT0EySbzzw/VUJOhHz1OvI/AAAAAAAAE4k/JMnTZEy-KNE/s1600/th.jpg)

Quote from: boogabear123 on Aug 23, 2017, 10:41 PM
Ignorance is so bliss, no one cares that it would end us all.

Not to mention, it's a known fact the truth gets twisted quite often.

The government had a hard time getting through to me because I studied brainwashing tactics and could see exactly what they were trying to do... it was constantly 'breaking down you identity' and 'playing the savior' to get you to give in easier. What creeps.

You'll see most arguments I get in are either over identity or manipulation.

It's okay to share ideas, just remember who you are when bird watching.  ;)


carried away

ideas
are like
birds,
and i love
their
sweetest songs.

Quote from: bloody on Aug 24, 2017, 05:22 AM
carried away

ideas
are like
birds,
and i love
their
sweetest songs.

I actually wrote this because songs can encourage thoughts in your head. So, it's important to listen to stuff you connect with or want to connect with.

That's why I like it when people say, 'You don't have to listen to me.' XD

The mans has that 'you have to listen to me' attitude...

Not to mention sometimes they're dumber than a box of rocks. :p

'You know me better than I do myself? Are you absolutely sure?'

Constant accusations. You feel persecuted. That's the worst feeling in the world.

! No longer available (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waBb-UM5m4g#)

I was the closest thing to being institutionalized without actually being institutionalized for a decade. Mostly because I would rather be there than work. Towards the end of that period, I was put on a shot, and I was in and out of psych wards from the stress of degradation, and pressures to work, when I had to quit a job due to manual labor adding stress to my body, which affected my mind, which I almost never recovered from, and I spent the next couple years basically bed-ridden to avoid hallucinating.

To make matters worse, I was persecuted for being ill, making everything worse and more personal.

I'm so glad to be on my own now. And have had minimal problems ever since I was granted independence.

Those two years I was bed-ridden I had caught the flu and couldn't keep my pills down and I was put on an experimental intramuscular shot, which my doctor insisted was the best thing for me. I hallucinated every other day all day, with visual hallucinations, and extreme lucid dreams. The shots would put me asleep for an entire week and would cause extreme arm aches for days, once a month, when I received them. The rest of the time, I slept to avoid seeing things and panicking. Just to tell you how dumb the system is, if a doctor insists on bad medication, I finally had enough and begged for something new in pill form, was given another shot, and I talked to the nurse to talk to my doctor, and I got what I wanted, and I miraculously got better within two months.

The doctor told me that shot was the Cadillac of medicines, and he needed to track me to report back to the company.

For two years I was in a living hell, all because he wouldn't listen. And thanks to that nurse, upon my insistence, I received the medication I wanted, and made an almost complete recovery almost instantly.

Those two years of persecution, hallucinations, and lucid dreams were amid my most creative time ever, ironically. I think I was fighting for my life, and that's why I was so creative.

I don't think anyone ever knew my struggles... I just let the art speak for itself. <3

But I can tell you that low lows often lead to serenity... between the storms, I had some very tranquil, transcendent experiences.

But my art captured most anything.

God, I had made this thread 'My Early Years' because I wanted to forget everything else, lol

I've had a complete opposite problem in my life. It wasn't that I couldn't avoid sleep.

I never sleep.
I am a pure insomniac and have been for like 12 years.
And the flow of ideas is a constant stream for me especially on my no sleep binges that I can't even prevent, even with medications I can't stop it.
And I rarely have days where I don't feel extreme pain in my stomach. Or horrid migraines. Or mood switches that make no sense and confuse me, like I don't know myself. I don't know myself but I know my art, and my creative instinct. Because I find myself up dead in the AM hours, going through art, new music, and listening to people speak philosophically, and I am constantly filling my tired mind with ideas to put forth with the guitars that surround me, and the sketchbooks I draw in.
I am a never ending stream of creativity and only I see what I make, I have never shown anybody what happens when  I don't get shut eye for over 48 hours.
And that problem, with people telling you how you feel, how you think, what you should do. People who can't actually be in your head but tell you what is in there, I never believed them, but I am surrounded by psychiatrists and doctors almost every day, stuck in conference rooms. I am some 'patient' that they don't even know what they are doing with.
I've never believed anything anyone has told me. I feel how I think I should feel. I say what I know I need to say. I am not happy with myself, I don't have confidence with my character, but I hold confidence in what I create, that's what makes my character. I show my personality through my pens and sounds.

And to get back to you on those two pictures.
The beast of a man, chained to the rock, being picked at by the crow, is a more comfortable feeling, than giving someone your heart and trusting, and hoping they don't tear it apart. Because at least the chained main knows exactly how screwed he is. 
Though, I would like you to give me insight on why one has an angels wings and the other has a set of butterfly wings. I can't form an opinion on that part of the painting.

Quote from: boogabear123 on Aug 24, 2017, 10:02 PM
Though, I would like you to give me insight on why one has an angels wings and the other has a set of butterfly wings. I can't form an opinion on that part of the painting.

First, let me thank you for sharing your struggles. Though I wouldn't wish that on anyone, it's comforting to know I'm not the only one with struggles. Often I think too much of myself, and forget others have similar or worse conditions. And that, tells me, in the grand scheme of things, I'm not that bad off. Sincerely, I hope you find ways to cope and stay positive, if anything helps.

As for the question, the one with butterfly wings is Psyche. She received those wings when she became immortal, as if given a new name, and symbol of her own, but more importantly, as a caterpillar to butterfly shows, symbolizes 'change' or 'morphing into something beautiful' as is the goal of the human soul, to become more like God. Psyche represents the 'soul' and hence she was married to Love, Cupid. Cupid has wings because Love can lift you up, and you often get glimpses of 'intense momentary sentiments' as if flying and swooping. If anything, his wings are to show that Love can cause one to 'soar' and 'flit about.'

As for how I relate to Psyche, I received a new name, in that I connected with 'being.' After the fall, my dad told me I was just having fun, but maybe didn't know it was to be the center of my 'identity.' I now know that 'Life' is more my identity, and those 'butterfly wings of being' allow me to fly in life. That's how the soul transforms into the image of God, by reflecting upon Life. :)

This song helped me a lot in the past, thought I'd share it.

! No longer available (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePwjipxjAmA&spfreload=10#)

Quote from: bloody on Aug 25, 2017, 01:37 AM

Quote from: boogabear123 on Aug 24, 2017, 10:02 PM
Though, I would like you to give me insight on why one has an angels wings and the other has a set of butterfly wings. I can't form an opinion on that part of the painting.

First, let me thank you for sharing your struggles. Though I wouldn't wish that on anyone, it's comforting to know I'm not the only one with struggles. Often I think too much of myself, and forget others have similar or worse conditions. And that, tells me, in the grand scheme of things, I'm not that bad off. Sincerely, I hope you find ways to cope and stay positive, if anything helps.

Thank you for that answer, most people I meet are so worried with trying to help me when I open up on something, or they are afraid to say anything. When really I am not looking for an answer from someone about my problems, but I just want someone to relate in one way or another. You didn't make my problem your problem, you only gave me some empathy and I am more than alright with that  :)

I think I am viewing the art differently than you are. Probably because I don't know the back stories of them, and we both have different life situations. You seem to have a connection with religion in a way, and even though I'm not the most religious of people, I do like to hear about others faiths as I always keep an open mind and religion interests me solely because it strikes my curious itch.

I have a bit of a question then. What do you believe is sinning? What is sin to you? What's the difference between enjoying life and making mistakes for you? Just trying to strike up a little conversation, you seem like a wordy fellow   ;D

Quote from: boogabear123 on Aug 25, 2017, 05:50 PM
I have a bit of a question then. What do you believe is sinning? What is sin to you? What's the difference between enjoying life and making mistakes for you? Just trying to strike up a little conversation, you seem like a wordy fellow   ;D

Wow, those are some deep questions. First, I believe sin is a societal standard, and not so much a phenomenon in nature. Nature is perfect in and of itself, in that everything is perfectly what it is. Even the most sinful person is still perfectly human, doing what humans may or may not do at times. As for what sin is to me, I would say 'hurting others or yourself.' or 'preventing others from enjoying life.' And even that's mostly a problem when it's continual, or unrestrained, or unlikely to change. The difference between enjoying life and making mistakes is that mistakes are often harmful, which can halt the enjoyment of life, but i also believe everything can work for the good if you learn or grow from it, and become better or stronger from it. Again, it's continual mistakes, or the likeliness that they'll continue, that raises a flag for me. Hope that fills you in on my views, but i'm more of a gray area thinker, in that people act like people, and are perfect humans regardless, and it's us that have to adapt to survive... or enjoy life. :)

I'm more of a free thinker than 'religious.' In fact, i'm more of a humanist. It just happens part of the human condition is found in seeking a higher power for insight, or a higher nature for a better life... that's how i sometimes get mistaken as religious.

Pardon, I often throw convention out the window... and don't realize it could make people uncomfortable.

I'm king of the world!!

(http://scienceblogs.com/tomorrowstable/wp-content/blogs.dir/333/files/2012/04/i-05a5f3c5e8b2b34903d233e87b250f05-mouse-frog.jpeg)

Hi!
I'm king of the universe!

(http://c8.alamy.com/comp/B5P3G8/dead-rat-in-a-trap-B5P3G8.jpg)

(https://thumbs.dreamstime.com/t/dead-frog-run-down-mating-season-migration-51535994.jpg)

lol, noice...
weakness was the point.

again...

I'm king of the world!!!
(http://scienceblogs.com/tomorrowstable/wp-content/blogs.dir/333/files/2012/04/i-05a5f3c5e8b2b34903d233e87b250f05-mouse-frog.jpeg)

my job is done here

Hi, I forgot to mention my Adonis archetype story...

When I was a baby, I had a circumcision accident, and had to have reconstruction surgery to realign the plumbing. My mom was worried like hell, but the doctor told her I have a perfect... yeah.  8)


Adonis and Attis are castration deities.

Adonis, with Venus mourning at his side.
(https://i.pinimg.com/736x/4c/47/51/4c47515ad58424e943a42f70a004be79--american-artists-greek-mythology.jpg)

...Attis is lesser well known and represented.

If I don't stay active I actually have sharp pains doing anything. Been that way most of my life. :/

Other than that, fuck you guys and your ugly ass art.

let me be me.

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I apologize. I don't know what triggered me today.

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Quote from: hephty on Feb 20, 2017, 07:29 PM
The Story of My Early Years

In my first year I developed the habit of headbanging in my crib, especially at night. We think I developed the habit from my mom bouncing me on a pillow on her knees, and I just naturally carried on all on my own. They couldn't get me to stop the habit and took me to see a doctor to see if anything was wrong with me. The doctors didn't think anything was troubling me, and told my mother that these things happen, and that there was nothing wrong with me. When I became old enough to walk, I made a game of jumping, and diving head first into objects. I liked to climb up to the higher spots I could find and jump into coffee tables and end tables. In my toddler years I had split my head open numerous times requiring stitches, and can still count about 8-9 scars on my head, mostly on or around my eyebrows (not to mention the times I leaped but didn't split my head open.) I believe I made up the 'jumping' game as a result of my nocturnal headbanging, but that can't be proved. When I started school, I noticed that one scar in particular popped out, and I likened it to a lightning bolt. I showed all my teachers and friends my 'lightning bolt' by telling them about it, then scrunching my brow to make it pop out. My teachers thought it was humorous at times.

When I was 3-4 years old I learned to be left handed. I was coloring at the kitchen table one day when my left handed uncle, Joe, suggested I color with my left hand and I thought it was the cool thing to do. After that, my left hand was my go to hand and it easily became my good hand. I moved in with my dad a year or two later. We were playing basketball with some big kids, I was 5 or 6, and my dad must've saw me using my left hand because he said 'shoot the ball with your right hand!' and I said 'like this?' and he said, 'No, your right hand! Don't you know what your right hand is?' Then he called me over and we had a talk. He said, 'Show me your right hand.' I gave him my left. He said, 'No, your right hand. It's the hand you write with, what hand do you write with?' I gave him my left. He then said, 'No, it's the hand you punch with.' He put his hands up and said, 'Give me your best punch.' I punched with my left. He then went on to tell me that I was using the wrong hand, and that my right was better. When I asked him why the right hand was better, he said 'Because it's a right hand world!' He then told me a list of 'right handed' things including scissors. So, I agreed to switch. I spent the next few weeks trying to relearn my dominant hand, and it was frustrating at times.

One day I was moping around near the door of the house and my dad said, 'What's wrong, you look bummed out? Why don't you go outside and play.' I said, 'I'm bored, there's nothing to do.' He said, 'Why don't you go play in the woods. You love that.' I said, 'I did that all day yesterday.' He said, 'Come on. I know you like it. Why don't you go to your favorite spot, walk the trails or something. I bet you'll have fun.' I brightened up at the thought, and said 'you're right!,' and walking off, I said hesitantly, 'But do you really think I'll have fun?' He said, 'Of course, you always do!' So, I headed out to the woods and started looking for something to entertain myself with, when I found an arrowhead (likely a spearhead) and couldn't wait to show my dad. So, I grabbed it and raced for home. I ran and was running downhill, when I noticed the arrowhead in my left hand (I was still in the task of learning to use my right, mind you), and I decided to feign a hard fall and stab myself. I decided, and tripped myself just at the bottom driving the arrowhead into my right wrist. I was bleeding profusely, and crying, fearing for my life at the loss of blood, and made my way inside to my dad. He said, 'What did you do, son?!' I told him I cut myself! He said, 'You gotta be careful, you could have killed yourself!' I said, 'What do you mean?' He said, 'You see that vein there? It goes straight to your heart. You cut that and you could bleed to death!' I replied, 'What do you mean, 'I could die?' He looked at me and said, 'You would be no more.' He then bandaged me up and told me it had a nice shape to it, and that I shouldn't mess with it or else ruin it. Still to this day, it's a well defined shape, almost a perfect V, or the v-like shape of a 5 pointed star without the arms. Anyways, after that I calmed down, and wanted to go look for the arrowhead I dropped, but my dad said he would look for me, but I had to stay inside for the rest of the day. I asked him, but he said he couldn't find it, and I couldn't find it on my own the next day.

The next few days I was amazed at how lively the woods were. I went to my dad and asked him, 'What happened?' He said, 'What do you mean?' and I told him that things were so alive and vibrant. He then told me, 'Well, nothing happened, you're just having fun!' and I left it at that.

That's my story of learning to be right handed and falling with an arrowhead, but I still imagine my toddler years, when I liked to take leaps, still played a part, and every night I was still banging my head for a few minutes before sleep, which may have played a part in all this. Even without absolute proof, I believe this to be completely probable, as I had always made a game of taking headfirst leaps.

I only shared this to fill in the missing pieces. If it had already been known to this extent, or I had put it elsewhere, I would have never shared it here. I apologize for sharing this, if it's seen as sensitive information and makes anyone uncomfortable. Like I said, my intentions were purely informative, and I felt a need to share details, which I saw as important, that had never come directly from me in the form of the literal story. As for the artwork, that was more to justify it as art, but I had nowhere to share these details, and felt an artistic community would better understand the need to divulge this information, especially seeing I'm the only one who knows the finer aspects. Whether or not it's seen as important is up to the individual.

thanks for your time.

Ok, I keep coming back for one of two reasons... I have more to say, or 'i don't want to leave this way'

this time it's more along the lines of 'I have more to say'

anyways, on to it...

When I was in Kindergarten, my grandpa came to visit my dad and I during spring break, or at least I'm pretty sure it was spring break. During his visit, we all took a trip to Cherokee Rock. I remember two very specific things. We were walking the trails, and came to a cliff face with a fence guarding the edge. I asked my dad why there was a fence there and he told me it was there to keep people from falling off, and that specifically kids might not know any better and may think it's a game, and I asked why would they do that, and he said because they might not know they'd get hurt. Later on we visited the gift shop and my dad told me to pick out something, anything, that struck my fancy. I looked around and eventually made up my mind that I wanted an arrowhead. I was very enthusiastic but my dad said 'No,' and when I asked why, he told me 'Because they're not toys.' He and grandpa then directed me over to the toy tomahawks and said 'how about one of these?' He then told me that they were for warriors, and even what scalping was, and when I asked why you'd want a scalp he said that the scalps were trophies. After that, I warmed to the idea of that as a toy, and chose that for the one gift I was afforded.

We actually celebrated my 6th birthday with my grandpa during that visit. And the main reason I think I was 6 when I fell with the arrowhead. :)

Quote from: hypnotoad on Sep 22, 2017, 08:13 PM
Ok, I keep coming back for one of two reasons... I have more to say, or 'i don't want to leave this way'

this time it's more along the lines of 'I have more to say'

anyways, on to it...

When I was in Kindergarten, my grandpa came to visit my dad and I during spring break, or at least I'm pretty sure it was spring break. During his visit, we all took a trip to Cherokee Rock. I remember two very specific things. We were walking the trails, and came to a cliff face with a fence guarding the edge. I asked my dad why there was a fence there and he told me it was there to keep people from falling off, and that specifically kids might not know any better and may think it's a game, and I asked why would they do that, and he said because they might not know they'd get hurt. Later on we visited the gift shop and my dad told me to pick out something, anything, that struck my fancy. I looked around and eventually made up my mind that I wanted an arrowhead. I was very enthusiastic but my dad said 'No,' and when I asked why, he told me 'Because they're not toys.' He and grandpa then directed me over to the toy tomahawks and said 'how about one of these?' He then told me that they were for warriors, and even what scalping was, and when I asked why you'd want a scalp he said that the scalps were trophies. After that, I warmed to the idea of that as a toy, and chose that for the one gift I was afforded.

So, I think the arrowhead I fell with was actually supposed to be a birthday present upon my wishes. :)

One day, not too long after the fall, my dad and I met a man at the apartments. He introduced himself, and asked me specifically how I was doing. I told him I was enjoying the woods and nature, how beautiful it all is, and how great it is to be alive. He looked at me intently and said, 'You're a smart kid. Who taught you that?' and I showed him the scar, and told him I had learned it from that, and that I had fallen. But, before I could go much further, my dad told me to hush, and that I should keep that to myself.

I never really talked about it after that, except for when my mom came to visit and asked me how I got so smart, and I told her something similar. Right then she gave my dad a worried look... but maybe she forgot I was a daredevil.  ;D

I just started reading 'Brave New World' for the first time...

I see why my friends suggested it to me. It's focused on one of my main struggles over the years: wanting to be my own 'individual.' XD

I now see how I broke the mold in so many ways. It's what I set out to do, but didn't realize I'd achieved it until now.

This is so good. :)

Suddenly, I've lost interest in wanting to prove myself, lol

I grew up afraid of being alone, and would hurt myself when alone, so single player games make me want to jump out the window.

I never knew I had those problems, until i thought over why I rage at being ignored.  ;D

But just knowing can help me face those fears.  :)

I get claustrophobic when alone, but music and books are a real life saver. A real voice is so OP.  8)

I get claustrophobic alone, but I'm hardwired with a flight response.  :o

Looking back at my developmental mindset, headbanging really was Morse Code for 'help.'
! No longer available (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WM8bTdBs-cw#)

I share in the most terrifying way so you can get an idea of what ignoring and being trapped alone makes me feel inside.

Nearly impossible for me to cope with certain things, as hardwired as I am. Movies, single player games, closed in spaces, ignoring, being left alone, all scare me immensely, and cause a fight or flight response.

Taking action has always made me feel better, whether confronting or giving up, both still actions that calm me down.

Hearing real voices on the radio and in books has literally helped out of a lot of sticky situations :')

I don't want to get political or anything, but division of power is important...

In a similar vein, people putting their own spin on things is a godsend, it keeps us together, but ourselves at the same time.

I have a lot of good stances on making things your own while sticking together...

First and foremost, Life is the boss.

On a side note, equally as important, is nature and man. Using nature against itself is the oldest trick in the book. Nature is often predictable, and that's why the prior concept is so viable.

Know your enemy is all I'm saying.