Random Jokes

[tarkil]

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.

As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, "Here, put these on."

She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.

"I can't wear your trousers." she said.

"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."

He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.

"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!"

She replied, "That's right...and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."

[Martin]

LOL

[Fireal1222]

a guy goes into a bar and orders 12 shots.


the bartender says to him. damn buddy. twelve shots sure is a lot



the man replies.. well, its a special occasion. im celebrating my first blow job.



the bartender says. oh, well in that case. ill talk to the other guys around the bar, and we'll all throw in for a 13th shot to celebrate the occasion.



the man replies... no thanks. if these 12 dont get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will

[Martin]

I knew that one, but it remains lol

[law]

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

Ace!

[Crazylegs]

hah!

[tarkil]

hah!

[Martin]

hah!

[Mascara Snake]

Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen hawking after a house fire

thats pretty sick!! or you can have

Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Gary Coleman pondering what Willis was talkin bout!!

[tarkil]

Whats the best thing about dating homeless girls?


















You can drop them off anywhere.

[marty]

whats the difference between Michael Jackson and acne?











Acne waits till your 13 before it comes on your face

[Crazylegs]

Poor Mike.

[Martin]

Owwww man, that one was baaaaaad!
Still laughing though, between the owww's.

[marty]

Whats this:

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Michael Jackson and Woody Allen on a double date

[marty]

Why does Michael Jackson like Twenty Nine year olds?










Cause there is Twenty of them

[Black Elvis]

Why is michael jackson the king of pop? thats already funny.

[goldpony]

2 guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks

[Deftones-argentina]

no that was DeftonesATF27, I just mentioned that I thought it was funny that i was the most smited.

Oh....my bad.

You're getting karma every day from now on for posting that. Hands down the funniest shit I seen in ages.

I agree. Wait...karma is gone, fuck it.

[emotivelotion]

a black baby was given wings by god
-baby:  does this mean im an angel?
-god: Nah nigga, ure a bat !!

[Marlon Brando]

GREAT TOPIC!
[youtube=425,350] ScjAk5yvKxc [/youtube]