Sharing Lungs - Deftones Online Community

The +/- thread!

Started by raynor, Jun 23, 2004, 01:15 AM

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lostpilot

Don't be sorry. You will grow up and leave that place to go to a whole different life, and life will be much better. Just try to be best yourself, 

one weak

Quote from: BillyNo.9 on Jan 30, 2013, 01:42 AM
- Got one crazy ass dysfunctional family and i fucking detest it. Sorry but I have to vent somewhere.

My girlfriend of almost 4 years suffers from Crohn's disease, meaning she has a totally fucked immune system. Loads of things can cause flare ups which could lead to her being hospitalised and in a worst case scenario dead.  Smoke generally fucks up her stomach causing septic ulcers after prolonged exposure.

My mother, father, brother and his girlfriend of 5 months all smoke pretty much all the time. They never make any effort to stay out of her way while doing it so she basically has to put up with my fucking families selfishness and she never complains. It's always in the back of my mind, I always think to myself, if she ends up in I.C because of my family I will go postal or end up homeless.
I tell them all the time please just try to stay out of Emma's way when you're doing it so it doesn't damage her stomach her raw stomach lining. No one ever rememebers cuz everyone in this house is a selfish cunt.

My brothers girlfriend is some sort of paranoid schizophrenic from prolonged substance abuse ( he doesn't see it of course ) and has an argument with my mother over how affectionate me and my girlfriend are around each other, making her uncomfortable. She takes anything said as a joke to my brother as a personal attack on him. The more she speaks the more parasitic she seems.

Her mother is dying from alcohol poisoning apparently which gives her a grip on my brother meaning she has to moan a little bit then he makes sure she gets her own way under our roof.

Since my brothers girlfriend has been around in my backward ass house, a secret little room built for the sole purpose of growing cannabis is oay, but me and my girlfriend aren't allowed to be comfortable where I live and have to give a 30 minute heads up to them if we want to use the kitchen. We have never complained once.

I haven't got nearly enough money to even rent a flat. I feel fucking trapped in this shit hole.
To  make things worse my mother would pretty much die inside if I were to just up and go because she comes from a dysfunctional family that picks sides and isolate each other, use emotional blackmail. I can see a pattern here. I'm fucked.

Sorry.

Okay, this board is dead, and for some reason I cannot get this post out of my mind. I've been coming back to it for days and days thinking about replying and then not feeling like I should. Here goes.... Also a forewarning that I am not trying to come off as though I know everything, actually I'm being sincere. With that being said, please take this in the spirit in which it is intended.

All the negativity surrounding you is pulling you down. No doubt about that. All your family's problems become an extension of yourself, which is not to say that you are an alcoholic or abusive etc., but the sheer aspect of you being around this consistently lumps you into the same category of negativity. Consequently, it seems to me (based on this post, and from what I remember, several other posts about you GF's health problems) that you have become accustomed to dealing with people who are suffering, and feel that is something you HAVE to have in your life. I understand that you must love your girlfriend after 4 years, but you're how old, 18? She seems to have a serious problem that you can't fix and it brings you further down. Just think about it...her problems become your problems, and at such a young age, how is that helping you with your life??

I know what you're thinking...if you break up with your girlfriend, you'll be more miserable. Maybe that's not the answer. But, when I look at your post, the only thing I can think of is that you're the ONLY person in the whole scenario who has the capability to make the changes you need to get the hell out of there. If your GF has such a serious disease that precludes her to be around smoke, then why does she put herself in that situation? My gut tells me she has a fucked up family too, hence why she's always with you and your fucked up family? If not, then why not hang with her at her place?

I'm trying to channel my inner Loveline here, but you gotta get out of that house. If you're still in school, then ride it out and stay busy. If you can't find a job that pays you enough to get out and afford your own place, well, you gotta figure out a way to make it happen. I'll give you a broad example. I know at least 3 other dudes who have lived out of their car for at least 1 year. Slept in the fucking car, ate peanut butter and crackers, found odd jobs to do, and you know what? They all found something to latch onto that made them super happy. These guys weren't bums or vagabonds just lazily cruising through life. They chose to get the fuck out there and figure it out with no $ and no support. Granted this may be easier to do in the Western US, but you get the point. I'm not saying you have to go and be homeless or couch surf your way to find yourself, but you do need to figure out what you need out of this life and take some risks to achieve that. Just because your family chose their fucked up way of life (I mean you have a grow room in your house! That cannot be good right? Is it illegal?) doesn't mean you need to fall in line right behind them.

You can't worry about your mother and her feelings, she's her own person and so are you. Start thinking of things in a realistic fashion. Hell, make a list of all the things that you can change, and a list of things you cannot change. What is one thing you could change right now that would make it easier for you to be one step closer to being who you want to be?

If I've guessed your age correct, then I am about 10 years older than you. You would not believe how important the next 10 years are in the development of your life. Sure, you got your early 20's to fuck around with, and hopefully you'll have a great time, but it's all the little things you do, all the progressions you make in roughly the next 10 years that are either A) going to set you up for success, or B) reaffirm the status quo.

BillyNo.9

Damn man, that was insightful and put some shit into perspective. She has a great family, very close, no drug abuse issues and I do spend a lot of time at hers, she lives about 30-40 miles away away so the train can be expensive and a lot of the time she's too ill to drive and pick me up. Things are way better when we're away from this house.

I know it seems like her problems are dragging me down, but their really not. Her condition is manageable as long as you follow advice and she doesn't forget to take her meds.   It's just how my family arrange their priorities that upsets me. Fuck em.

downtownpony

I agree with One Weak. You gotta start being more selfish man.
If you don't spend any time building yourself up, then you'll always be in the helpless position that you're in now.
the narcotics you're using to alleviate the stress from your day to day life are most likely contributing to your lack of funds/motivation. Chill for a bit and save up some fucking money...

pissedandpierced

Totally agree. If you don't stand your ground now you will end up like a total sap like me, and when you do stabs your ground everyone thinks your being a c*nt and unreasonable. Have you tried to look at your local council for housing? I know most have a waiting list for teenage mothers but I got mine from a bit of a sob story since me and my sister in law weren't getting on since my mum died (I nearly floored her one night and went turbo on her) and I got my flat kinda quicker. What's your girlfriends housing situation like? Could you not move in with her?

I know your not happy with your family situation but maybe sitting down and having a good chat with them might help, I know sometimes you might hate them but you'll miss them if they wasn't there. Trust me.
"It's good to be classic, it kinda shows that we're old" - Chino Moreno, Kerrang! Awards 2007

mothraw

+Tinnitus almost gone
-Tinnitus still there

DeftonesNZ

Quote from: mothraw on Feb 13, 2013, 02:11 PM
+Tinnitus almost gone
-Tinnitus still there
Tinnitus is scary shit basically the sound of your ability to hear slipping away

lostpilot

Quote from: DeftonesNZ on Feb 13, 2013, 02:43 PM
Quote from: mothraw on Feb 13, 2013, 02:11 PM
+Tinnitus almost gone
-Tinnitus still there
Tinnitus is scary shit basically the sound of your ability to hear slipping away

yeah, I have it. comes and goes, but it's scary and brings lots of discomfort

BillyNo.9

+ Went abroad for the first time in my life last week.
- Came home to this Harlem Shake shit.
+/- Going to London for the first time, my train is in 5 hours. fuck jetlag.

devilinside

Quote from: BillyNo.9 on Feb 16, 2013, 04:13 AM
- Came home to this Harlem Shake shit.


Bahahah!!! I saw a video of my favorite college baseball team doing it,and it actually made me laugh because it was fairly retarded.


+ 109 days till I leave for Germany
+ Justin Timberlake

theis

Quote from: theis on Dec 11, 2012, 12:43 AM
so...i texted her asking if she wanted to have coffee one day.

but she didn't...she said she wasn't ready for something new this soon after her break-up(which is understandable and an issue i had already been expecting a little).

still a major bummer 'cause she felt special. bah humbug.

Quote from: sing blue silver on Dec 11, 2012, 12:46 AM
Dat hoe be triiiiiiippin'.

Sorry, that sucks dude. I'm sure she'll message you eventually. If not, don't sweat it too much.

...and you were right, haha.

She texted me 01.30AM (!!!) last night saying she was at the bar where I first met her. I was in bed when she texted so I couldn't really go. Fucking typical I'm not out the night she is.
I answered that I wasn't out tonight, but that we should talk next weekend.


rxjustine

Quote from: devilinside on Feb 16, 2013, 05:47 PM
+ 109 days till I leave for Germany

+ Leaving for Germany the day after tomorrow
- Flying

epistaxis

Quote from: BillyNo.9 on Feb 16, 2013, 04:13 AM
+ Went abroad for the first time in my life last week.
- Came home to this Harlem Shake shit.
+/- Going to London for the first time, my train is in 5 hours. fuck jetlag.


---My hometown decided to do the biggest harlem shake of the country or the world I don't know.
Finally something is happening here, is it this lame ass shit. I believe even my cousin participated.

+++spring holiday is next week and this week I only have to go to school for three days: yay

sing blue silver

---by far the most sick I've ever been in my entire life. Spent the last 4 days in bed. Had to come back to work today because I didn't have any more sick time built up. I feel like I may collapse at any second and my entire body is in agony. I need to go to a hospital. Something is wrong.

RoyalDeftonicBoy

- - - - - - My girlfriend's dad had an Aneurysm and is on coma and about to pass out  :(
+ Being with my GF on this tough and unfair moment of her life

devilinside

- dreaded March for 11 months. Marks the 2 year anniversary of my Nana's diagnosis of cancer,then 1 year anniversary of her death from said cancer. :'(
+ college baseball
- twitter addict
- snow

deftones47

- My computer died on me in late January
- Having a struggle while looking for a job
+ Managed to get on SL through my PS3

RoyalDeftonicBoy

- - - My gf's dad passed away on thursday  :(
+ Keeping my gf strong through this awful moment
+ NBA
+ Waiting new music
+ Ice cream with peanuts
+ Learning more cooking recipes

lftpp

- im sick, dunno wtf is wrong with me

sing blue silver

+saw deftones the other day
-they didn't play Riviere which is half the reason I went
+dating a girl I'm completely in love with
-she's got some emotional baggage and a lot of trust issues so I spend half the time feeling amazing and the other half feeling completely dejected and like I'm not good enough. I love her to death but I feel crushed a lot of the time. At least the times we're happy more than make up for it.