alright this is real shit. you can make fun of me after this post , i dont care. its real.
i miss my dead cousin , we didnt get along that much. he lived around the corner , and the night he died from a overdose, i saw them wheel him out of his house. i felt like shit.
ive never gotten over my first love, i treated her like shit and stole from her to support my drug habit at the time. she really loved me and i gave her every reason not to.
despite how i act like a smartass and try to make it seem like i dont care about shit, im more sensitive than anyone ive ever met. ever.
im so shy in public i feel like it holds me back from doing what i really want. and that usually causes me to treat people that want to get to know me like shit.
i hate being adopted. i used to curse god all the time cause i always felt "diffrent". ive gotten to know my birthmother, and although i act like i dont hold a grudge, i actually think i hate her.
i hardly ever answer the phone when "freinds" or family call.
im really insecure . to the point i cant trust anyone i hang out with on a regular basis.
whenever i have sex , i could care less if the person im with is satisfied.
i try to finish as fast as i can.....on purpose. unless im stoned.
ive tried to kill myself .
im actually terrified of the thought of dying when i actually sit and think about it.
i really dont find life exciting or interesting unless im intoxicated in some sort of way.
i use to pick on kids i knew i could beat up.i never fucked with the people i know i couldnt.
ive had serious thoughts of killing certain people i didnt like. serious thoughts.
i dont want to believe that this hurricane affected me in anyway, but its the main reason im depressed half of the time.
most people i come into contact with make me fucking sick.