Random Jokes

[Atomic]

MR T FACTS!!!!

If Mr. T stops moving, what you would see would be the Apocalypse. He has only briefly stopped 4 times; subsequently, humanity was dealt World War 1 & 2, 'Nam, and New Coke.

Mr. T is not afraid to fly.  But planes fly very close to Heaven and since Mr. T could easily take God in a fight, he avoids the temptation.  In fact, he pities the fool who would push him into it.

If at the exact same moment, the same person was pitied by Mr. T and roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, the universe would implode.

Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity.

During a scene in Rocky III, Mr. T said, "I'm gonna torture him. I'm gonna crucify him. Real bad." After the director shouted, "Cut!" Mr. T asked, "Wait, you were filming that?"

Mr. T's sweat can be used to purify gold. In addition, he doesn't buy gold... it grows from his neck.

According to Mr T only two languages exist: English and Jibba Jabba.

They say when a bear is chasing a group of people, you don't have to outrun the bear, but only have to be faster than the slowest person. If Mr. T is chasing you, you're dead no matter what.

Mr. T's penis is so intimidating that it was offered a spot on the group of judges for American Idol. However, this offer was dropped because Simon Cowell didn't want a bigger dick than he was at the judges table.

To limit the price of killing people, Mr. T created the element lead so he could shoot things at people which had a density similar to gold.

Mr. T puts the 'T' in pity. Without the 'T' it would just be piy - and that's just plain silly.

The fact that Mr. T can't feel pain or remorse made him the perfect gladiator. It is also known that he can travel through time at will.

The only reason Mr. T is not Dr. T is because his thesis, entitled "Fools and Those Who Pity Them", only had a photo of Mr. T with his arms crossed. After the faculty questioned this, they were found dead with their testicles in their eye sockets, even the women. His thesis is still yet to be marked.

The last time Mr. T took a dump and flushed it, people thought that there were alligators in the New York sewers.

Mr. T sheds his skin twice monthly, he then lets a small african village feed off it for a week out of pity.

Recently a biographical trilogy has been released about Mr. T named Lord of the Rings.  Where he pities the foolish hobbits and beats the shit out some crackas that were given him jibba jabba on Mount Doom.

God did not have the motivation to create the planet Earth until Mr. T told Him that He was a fool.

Mr. T's hair is in fact steel wool.

Mr. T was originally supposed to battle Rocky in a spelling bee. But when it was discovered all Mr. T had to do to win was stare at the judges with his arms crossed (coupled with the fact none of them could understand what Rocky was saying) they changed the script.

[Variable]

"YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF.."

1.  You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

2.  You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3.  You have more wives than teeth.

4.  You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5.  You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6.  You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

7.  You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8.  You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9.  You've ever uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your cave."

10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

[shine down unshy]

^lol

[moonlapse vertigo]

Good 'ol Chuck Norris joke.

Chuck Norris, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone were competing to sit in the seat next to God. Arnold was first. He said that he deserved to sit in that seat because he was the Terminater. Then, it was Sylvester's turn. He said he deserved to sit in the seat because he was Rocky, the WORLD-KNOWN BOXER, and could kill people in a match. Finally, it was Chuck Norris' turn. He glanced into the eyes of God and said, "Hey, you're in my seat!"

[goldpony]

the sun doesnt actually rise, it only reflects off chuck norris red hair when he wakes up in the morning

[Atomic]

I'm not racist, racism is a crime, and crime is for black people

[dictatesofreason]

whats funnier than nailing a baby to a wall??










ripping it off
whats funnier than throwing a baby in the air







watching it hit the ground







if anyones pissed about these im sorry

[Deftones-88-05-Deftones]

 

[Variable]

I'm not racist, racism is a crime, and crime is for black people

lol

[poofing acid]

Knock Knock

[BillyNo.9]

Who's there?

[poofing acid]

9/11

[BillyNo.9]

[Necrocetaceanbeastiality]

Mr. T is a faggot.

HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA

Chuck Norris sucked my dick.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Trey once penetrated his English teacher's cornhole.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

[sing blue silver]

a priest and a rabbi walk out of a bar and see a 7 year old boy. the priest says "hey, let's fuck that little boy" and the rabbi says "out of what?".

[BillyNo.9]

Two saggy tits were hanging out when one said to the other ; "We need to get some support before people start to think we're nuts."

[cheachea]

[from_musings]

that one was funny,love it. don't know why though 

[jbmp1390]

I think the 'Don't Walk' sign is pretty insensitive towards people with no legs

[beansandcornbread]

Where are cocoons from?





Cocompton