That does sound awful, glad you're being optimistic now though. The initial bombshell phase is killing me, and I have a tiny bit of hope but I'm scared it'll be no good.
Bombshell phase SUUUUUUUUUUCKS it. There's tons of panic, and overreacting happening there... but it's necessary to get through.
There's no other way to look at it. But that phase, like everything else - Passes.
Optimism really helps... you've gotta be open to accept what's next... be it her coming back and you fixing things, or be it something else you never saw coming.
I learned SOOOO much from my prior relationship - and knowing that helps me move on with no regrets... just life experiences. If it wasn't with him. it'd have been with some other maniac LOL.
I wish you the Bestest!